my story for His glory

2009-10-05T19:50:00.000-07:00

What a year 2009 has been! Let's see...I and my friend, Dawn, got to celebrate life in April when she took me on a trip to St. John, Virgin Islands, which I will smile about for years to come. One of my favorite memories was on a hike we took on Ram Head Trail which lead to a point that was 200 feet above sea level. The hike was not easy as it was the middle of the day and very warm. About half way to the point we came out of the trail on to a rocky beach and as we walked down the beach, we began to wonder if we had lost our way. So Dawn starts looking up to the heavens and half jokingly asking God to give us a sign. We started cracking up when soon after that we looked down at the rocks to find the word "HIKE" spelled out with an arrow pointing in the direction we should go!

Okay, what else. I had a total hysterectomy in June to help lower my chances of breast cancer coming back. In July, I had the priviledge of turning 40 years young. Around this time, a dear friend of mine, Brandi, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has since then had a two surgeries and will begin chemotherapy this week, but she continues to do remarkably well because of her faith in God and His goodness. I got to go to a family reunion in Pennsylvania in August. I also found out that both my nieces will be expecting babies early next year. And that's only the stuff I can remember! :)

As for my treatment, I will continue to get the study drug, Zometa, intravenously every 3 months for another 2 years and for the past several months I've been getting massage therapy on the scar on the right side of my chest in order to get ready for breast reconstruction which is now scheduled for Tuesday, October 13th. I most certainly have not come to the decision to go ahead with reconstruction lightly. I've been struggling a great deal with the decision, that is until recently. You see, Monday afternoon I was on my way to the hospital to get my preoperative testing done and I just started praying out loud in the car on the way there. I asked God what I had been asking Him for weeks, "Please. I am begging you. Help me to make a decision one way or the other on reconstruction. I know it is only a week away, but You can stop it if it is not what You want for me. This is weighing SO heavily on me and I wish I could be strong enough to be okay with not having it done, but you also made me fully human and put that desire in my heart. I know you have great plans for me. So, please. I want what You want for me, but I don't know what that is, and even after all You and I have been through, I don't feel like I am close enough to You to KNOW for certain what it is You want for me. I know that that is my fault completely, but I also know the kind of God You are and BY YOUR GRACE You can give me a sign and knock me over the head with it so that I can be certain if you want me to go ahead with this or not. You are more than capable of making one of these tests I am about to have abnormal and stopping this surgery if that is Your will. So I am asking you to do that God. Stop the surgery if you don't want me to go thru with this but if you do, just help me to know for certain that You are behind me on this and that my motives are right. In Jesus name."

So, I got to the hospital just as they were finishing up preoperative testing for the day, and they decided they could fit me in. After going over my medical history, I was asked to wait for Sheila who would be doing my blood work and EKG. Sheila came down the hall with a smile on her face and we got started. As she was placing the EKG leads on my chest, she noticed my scars and asked if I had had a bilateral mastectomy. "Yes," I said. "I was diagnosed in April 2008...and now I am getting ready to have reconstruction". "Praise God! Praise God!," she said. Tears came to my eyes as she started encouraging me, and I told her about my struggle in deciding whether or not to have it done, but I did not tell her why I was struggling. For all she knew, maybe I was having difficulty deciding cuz I just didn't want to go through another surgery or was scared about the procedure or scared of the cancer coming back. Then she looked at me, and I felt like God was speaking through her directly to me, and she said "This is not a vain thing! This is not a vain thing!" I smiled because I knew that was my answer. I told her that I had been praying about it and asking God to stop the surgery somehow if He did not want this for me, as I knew He was fully capable of doing so. She then told me that she often prays for God to use her at work to encourage people and I assured her that He most certainly used her that day! She then grabbed a sticker with my name on it like the ones used to label blood work and told me she would keep that sticker to remind her to pray for me on my surgery day. Then she hugged me tight and said, "You are my sister in Christ." My heart is at peace now because I know if He does not stop the surgery, that He is with me on this.

The past six weeks I have been priviledged to study the book of Daniel with some wonderful ladies (one of them being my mom). Not coincidentally, the study was recommended to me by my sweet friend, Brandi (the one who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer). This past week it talked about Daniel being thrown into the lions' den and a stone (more like a boulder, I think) being placed over the mouth of the den and the king sealing it with his signet ring "so that Daniel's situation might not be changed." This part of the lesson really stuck with me cuz sometimes I convince myself that certain situations in my life are locked and sealed and might not be changed, especially now. But if you know the rest of the story, you know there's hope cuz God sent his angel to shut the mouths of the lions. Daniel did not have a scratch on him when he was lifted out of the den! King Darius was so impressed with the God that Daniel trusted in that he issued a decree in his kingdom stating that the people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel. "For He is the living God and he endures forever; His kingdom will not be destroyed, His domion will never end. He rescues and He saves; He performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." (Daniel 6:26-27)

Therein lies my hope. I am confident that there is no situation that my God cannot change. He still gives us signs, whether literally like the one in St. John or through a willing servant of his like nurse Sheila. And YES He can and will rescue you from whatever "lion" you might be facing. All you need to do is ask Him to...then believe that He can.

2009-01-18T13:21:00.000-08:00

I cannot believe it is January 2009. Time has certainly flown by, especially this past year. God has certainly been faithful in providing ALL my needs and then some.

After my last chemotherapy, the ladies at work had a WIG party to celebrate! We wore wigs, ate great food, and even danced a little. I decided soon after that to stop wearing the wigs and just stick with my favorite white, sporty cap. It is so much easier, less irritating, and well, to tell you the truth, I was getting way too many compliments on those wigs! I was afraid when my real hair came back, well, it would pale in comparison. I am happy to report that my hair is coming back and that it won't be long before I can retire that little cap.

Radiation was a piece of cake. The toughest part was the inconvenience of having to drive there every afternoon, Monday through Friday, for 7 weeks (a total of 33 treatments) which wasn't really that bad. I got so used to it that my car kept trying to take me there for a few weeks after I finished. The staff was super kind. Each treatment only took about 20 minutes from the time I walked in the door to the time I left. All I had to do was "strike a pose" and hold it while the machine radiated at 3 different angles. My skin did unusually well, and the worst I had to deal with was a little sunburn the last week or two. I was radiated on the right side of my chest only, the side I found the lump. I was told not to rub the area that was radiated at all, and this area was not difficult to distinguish because they kept it outlined in purple and blue marker. I had plus signs, dots and dashes all over the right side of my chest and ,in the beginning, on my neck which I was told not to wash off. I think the most surprising part for me was one night when I kept reaching my hand over my right shoulder to rub because it was itching a lot. I finally went to look in a mirror and noticed a large, square-shaped sunburned area on the BACK of my shoulder. When I asked the radiation therapist about it the next day, she told me this was because the one beam of radiation was going the whole way through me! Youch! My skin has since then healed completely. I did have fun with the therapists there and managed to trick one of them on Halloween day by wearing a crazy blonde wig and a St. Paulies Girl apron (with lots of cleavage) under my patient gown. My mom, sister, and niece, Jamie, surprised me at the doctor's office my last day of radiation and we did a celebratory dance in the waiting room with the receptionist, Holly. Later that night, Jamie brought me 22 beautiful pink baloons (22 being my favorite number since forever) and a shiny heart-shaped baloon which miraculously a month later is still floating next to the ceiling in my room.

I did end up getting in a study and am getting an iv drug called Zometa in my port once a month. After six months, I will only have to have it every three months for a total of three years. The drug is to help prevent the cancer from spreading to my bones or organs. I am looking forward to the six month point which will be in March, because following that treatment I can have my port taken out. It doesn't bother me really and most of the time I don't notice it anymore, but the longer it is left in the more I am at risk for developing complications from it, so my surgeon, Dr. Times, said he can take it out in the office with just a local anesthetic.

I had an interesting New Year's Eve, as I had a blocked gland in my eyelid and was scheduled to get it lanced that day if it hadn't gone away with hot compresses. I was told that this was something that happens commonly in people getting their hair back after losing it during chemotherapy. I really wasn't concerned about it at all until I was escorted to a little room and the first thing the nurse said when she came in was, "Don't worry. The anticipation is the scariest part". At that moment, a warning signal went off in my head, and I had flashbacks to the first time the home health nurse came to pull out one of my drains after my surgery. "Don't worry," she said. "I won't hurt you TOO much". "Okay," I thought. "How bad can it be?" They sat me in a chair, reclined it back and the doctor told me it was going to be like a bright, sunny day at the beach and then proceeded to shine the most incredibly bright light in my eyes. Woah! Next he told me he was just "marking" the area before the procedure. It felt like several needle pricks, so I figured he was just getting the area numb first. "No problem," I thought. "I have become well acquainted with needles. Needles and I go way back. I can handle this. I am tough." Just about that time I heard, "Now you're going to feel just a little pressure," and then he proceeded to pull my eyelid not only inside out but up over some instrument and my legs instinctively shot up in the air! The nurse reminded me to breathe, so I grabbed the arms of the chair and started taking very loud deep breaths. The doc asked if it was unbearable and in a split second I thought to myself, "I certainly do NOT want him to stop and have to start over again. Just tell him you're okay. TELL HIM YOU'RE OKAY"! As soon as I did, he started lancing the gland and telling me with every slice, "I'm almost done. I'm almost done. Okay, NOW I am almost done". My eye felt bruised for about a week, but healed wonderfully. You cannot tell at all. I've decided though, the next time the warning signal goes off in my head, I'm going to listen to it. I'm not going to ask questions or wonder about it. I'm just going to jump up and start running. HA!

I still have lots to think about and decisions to make. Because my genetic test (BRCA2) was positive, my doctors are now encouraging me to have my ovaries removed because my risk for developing ovarian cancer is that much higher. I have already met with the gynecologist who will do the surgery but have to decide about if and when I want reconstruction and whether I want to have it done at the same time.

Today, Sam talked about worry being the opposite of trusting God. I have certainly done my share of worrying, but surprisingly have found myself worrying LESS this past year and trusting God MORE. What a blessing to LET GO of the worries I normally hold on so tightly to and to give them to the God I know will NEVER LET GO of me.

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?" Matthew 6:25,26

2008-10-12T15:20:00.001-07:00

OKAY. As of today, no more fever! Now I'm just fighting off the leftovers from this cold, and soon I will be ready to bounce off the walls...like I used to do! I saw a nurse practitioner, Holly, on Friday who gave me antibiotics to be safe over the weekend. My mom and I were relieved as this was the last chemo and we'd rather error on the side of being cautious. I'll have my blood drawn again tomorrow to see how my counts are doing and hopefully get back to work.

As my awesome sis told you, I will start radiation in a few weeks. After that, I will take a drug, Tamoxifen, for anti-hormone therapy for 5-7 years to prevent the cancer from coming back. I plan to meet with Kay at the Peninsula Cancer Institute soon to talk about possibly being involved in a study. More details to come.

Thank you for your comments, phone calls, cards, and prayers. I am blessed beyond measure!

2008-10-09T17:58:00.000-07:00

This is Stacey... Lisa's sister. Just letting you know that the treatment went well on Monday. We did the "Hamster Dance" with all the nurses & everybody to celebrate!!! They even gave her a certificate of completion that everyone signed for her! Very sweet! She met with the Radiologist on Tuesday who determined that she should definitely have radiation (which will start at the end of October and last 5-6 weeks). She's doing as well as can be expected after a treatment, has a good appetite, but we do need your prayers as she is fighting a mild cold and has a bit of a fever. We'll keep you updated as much as possible. She is amazing and is a fighter, so I'm sure this won't keep her down long! Love ya Sis! Thank you so much to everyone who has been diligently praying for her! The power of prayer... what a wonderful thing! God bless you all! =)

Here's a little shout out for our Mama! She takes such good care of all of us and never asks for anything in return... we could not have been blessed with a better Mom! =)

Could you also be in prayer for Pastor Sam's who is recovering after having a stent placed in his heart due to blockage last Saturday. We are thankful to hear through emails from several wonderful women through JC3 that he is doing well! We love you Sam & Myra!

2008-09-25T19:02:00.000-07:00

Ah, the power of prayer! I had more blood work today and my white cell and platelet counts have come up dramatically. My red cell count and hemoglobin are holding steady. The nurse told me that the injection I got the day after my last treatment was finally working for my white cells, but it has never taken this long for it too work, so I know the real reason for the sudden increase- prayer, of course!

When we got to the doctor's office today, they had tables set up in the waiting room with canvas' waiting to be painted. They encouraged mom and me to sit down and paint while we were waiting. They are planning on putting the finished paintings on the ceilings in rooms where we get chemotherapy, so that patients will have something colorful and beautiful to look at as we recline in our chairs. Thanks to the Kiwanis club for supplying the canvas' and paint!

2008-09-23T05:54:00.000-07:00

My fifth treatment went very well. I fell asleep on them for the first time which I've been afraid to do for fear that I would snore loudly, they wouldn't be able to wake me up, or that I would wake up swinging at them (which I have been known to do). They did have to wake me up periodically for each medication the nurses gave so that I could look at the medicine and confirm my name and date of birth. Luckily, no one was harmed; I didn't take a single swing at anyone. Oh, and great news. A group of the nurses at the Peninsula Cancer Institute have agreed to do the Hamster Dance with me at my last treatment. We will try our best to catch that on video!

I recently found out about a young lady who will be participating in a 3-day walk from October 3-5th in Washington, D.C., to raise money for breast cancer through awareness, detection, and research by donating to Susan G. Komen for the Cure and the National Philanthropic Trust Breast Cancer Fund. She'll be walking 60 miles in 3 days! If you'd like to help her reach her goal of $2,200 in donations, just go to http://www.the3day.org/ and click on "Donate Now", then search for her personal fundraising page by putting in her name, Brianne Foster (she's with Team Betty). You can also call 1-800-996-3DAY to donate over the phone. She is very close to reaching her goal. Go Team Betty, Go!

I had my blood work done yesterday, and I am hanging in there but would appreciate your prayers as they always seem to pull me through. My hemoglobin and red cell count is low but stable, but now my platelets are low and causing me to bruise more easily, and my white cell count is low for the first time, putting me at a higher risk for infection. They are having me come back in a few days to run my blood counts again, and we'll know more then. In the meantime, I feel really good except for being tired and am eating everything in sight again. My mom and I made the most incredible salad last night with every veggie you could think of. In order to get more veggies in us, we played a game yesterday before going to the grocery store and we made it part of our grocery list. You know the one..."I'm going on a trip, and I'm gonna take some Artichokes, Broccoli, Carrots, Dill Pickles..." Bet your wondering what we said for "Q", huh? Okay, we cheated a little and said "Quartered Cucumbers." Can anyone else think of a veggie that starts with "Q"?

Today, the song, "You Never Let Go" by the David Crowder Band keeps running through my head as it did when I first heard of my diagnosis with breast cancer. The song talks about how God is always the same through our joy and pain, sun and rain, and He NEVER lets go of us. I love picturing that in my mind and just repeating those words of truth. "My health declines, but You never let go. Hurricanes devastate, but You never let go. The stock market crashes, but You never let go." Thank you, Jesus, that even when I get tired and distracted and lose my grip, YOU NEVER LET GO.

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

2008-09-15T02:27:00.000-07:00

Last week I met with the oncology nurse, Lynn, who examines me on a regular basis, and she told me that I was making going through treatment look easy. I was really encouraged by that, but I reminded her that she never gets to see me two days after my chemo when I am exhausted from little sleep and my face is planted in my pillow :) I also told her that I thought that I was now experiencing chemo-induced early menopause just liked she warned me I might. I can truly sympathize with all you ladies out there having hot flashes, especially in the middle of the night! This is certainly an opportune time to have no hair, wouldn't ya say?! My nurse also told me that after my last chemo on October 6th, that they would send me to a radiologist for a consultation to decide whether or not I would benefit from radiation. I like to know what to expect, so I am happy to have a plan.

I thank you with all of my heart for your prayers. I am covered in prayer. I know this for two reasons. One, I am being told, and two, I can feel a huge difference in my energy level. My red cell count and hemoglobin have come up out of the "we might have to give you a transfusion" level to a few points below normal. I knew before my weekly blood tests that I was doing better, because I would test myself by dancing around the living room and sometimes at work to see how winded I would get. It not only made me giggle, but I didn't have to stop and catch my breath before I completed the entire unabridged version of "The Hampster Dance!" Thank you, Mandy-Pants, for inviting me to learn that dance and being one of my biggest cheerleaders!

In a few hours I will have my fifth treatment (otherwise known as second-to-last, but who's counting?). Through the help of my new friend, Carol, I have learned to look at chemotherapy as helpful medicine that will make me better and not a poison. I also read a quote recently that helped me to view the symptoms or side effects of my cancer and treatment in a new way. See what ya think...

"The symptoms and the illness are not the same thing. The illness exists long before the symptoms. Rather than being the illness, the symptoms are the beginning of its cures. The fact that they are unwanted makes them all the more a phenomenon of grace-a gift of God, a message from the unconscious, if you will, to initiate self-examination and repair." M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled

Wow. Thank you, Heavenly Father, for alerting me to what was going on in my body by causing me to notice the "symptoms" of my illness (fatigue and the lump in my breast) that would ultimately lead me to self-examination and repair (in more ways than one)!

2008-08-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

I had my fourth treatment this past Monday. Only 2 more to go, and then they will decide about whether or not to do radiation. I am told it will be a walk in the park compared to the chemotherapy I am getting. Yipee! Please pray that my red cell count and hemoglobin will not drop too low after this treatment, as they just informed me that they will not be giving me anymore Procrit injections to help with my anemia because of some side effects it has been known to cause. I will find out my blood counts on Tuesday, September 2nd and keep you informed.

I had two fun chemo buddies this treatment. One fun-loving lady named Margaret who is undergoing treatment for kidney cancer. I plan to go see a movie with her sometime this weekend. I also met a young lady named Debbie who has been surviving metastatic breast cancer for the past 10 years (very encouraging, eh?) Oh! While I was in the middle of my treatment, guess who popped in to say hello!? Larry, my friend from the last chemo visit who had just celebrated his 82nd birthday! While we were visiting, the nurses brought him a piece of cake and sang him Happy Birthday! What a priviledge to be part of that! He told me that he would stop by and see me again. I cannot wait!

These past few weeks I have been beating myself up for not being more disciplined about doing the things I think I should and not doing the things I think I should not. I guess I've been a little disappointed with myself, because I thought somehow that journeying through breast cancer would suddenly cause me to grow spritually in a big way. That I would be doing big things, affecting a lot of people, spreading the word about breast cancer and about our awesome God far and wide. I thank God that he taps me on the shoulder and reminds me that He is in the business of doing BIG things in small ways...one conversation at a time, one hug at a time, one smile, one laugh, one prayer...one relationship at a time. It's not about what I do, but what He has already done. It's not about me and my accomplishments or even my failures; it's about His grace and His son.

Jesus, help me to trust You with everything I am and am NOT.

2008-08-11T17:57:00.001-07:00

HALFWAY THERE! I had my third round of chemotherapy August 4th. The side effects are becoming pretty predictable (nausea and nothing tastes very good, sore joints, then a hard-to-describe funny brain feeling which all seems to subside in about 6 days). I had more blood work done today, and my red cell count and hemoglobin have dropped again, so they gave me another injection of Procrit to try and counteract this. Without thinking, I ran up the stairs at church yesterday and was completely out of breath. It's funny how your mind tells you you can do the stuff you normally do and your body responds with a "slow down there, pal."

I did, however, have the most interesting chemo buddy sitting across from me this last treatment. His name was Larry, and he is about to turn 82 years old. He has lead the most interesting life, from tap dancing on Broadway when he was 15 to serving in Germany in WWII. The way he met his wife is the most incredible story. He had been back from Germany about a month and was working as a private detective. He boarded a bus one day and heard a lady call his name. He asked the lady if she knew him and if he should remember her. "Oh yes," she said. "We grew up living near each other, and you used to push me off my bike and throw snowballs at me!" Larry also told me that he refused to be seen with her and would tell her to stay away from him, because she was an ugly duckling! She was now working as a model! "You sure have changed," he told her. He got her phone number, and they went on a few dates. He asked her if she considered them to be going steady, but she told him she was dating a few other guys. Larry decided to remedy that by waiting by the curb near her house when he knew she had a date. He'd wait until the guy dropped her off and then walked up, tapped them on the shoulder, and told them if they ever came around Grace again that he'd strike them down where they stood. When Grace later found out that he'd run off four other guys she had dated, she told Larry she was glad, because even though he treated her badly growing up, he was her heartthrob and she had always dreamed of marrying him! They've now been married for 60 years! What a story, huh? Larry and I talked for hours during our treatment and when he was ready to go, we agreed to pray for each other at 11:30 that night. My nurse, Sheryl, told me after he left that Larry usually didn't like to talk much and that normally he just sat quietly and read his book. It was certainly part of God's plan to bring us together that day.

I am still having fun with wigs. In fact, yesterday my mom and sister joined me and wore a wig to church as well! We had a blast. My sister and I even went into the bathroom and switched wigs after the service just for fun. Today, my friend, Claire, came into work and tried on my wig too! Then, in order to give my mom a break, she drove me home, and we had a great time just talking and laughing together. This cancer experience has most certainly been a blessing in disguise in SO many ways!

2008-07-30T20:17:00.000-07:00

This last treatment went more smoothly overall than the first. Instead of my own personal room this time, they took me to one of their "romper rooms," where I was seated with two other patients getting chemotherapy too. One was a very witty guy, Clark, who kept my mom and me giggling for the first hour. At one point, my chemo nurse, Sheryl, and the receptionist, Mertis, came in and sang "Mr. Postman" to him just to embarrass him. It was hugely entertaining for the rest of us, and they sounded terrific! Since there was no room for mom in the romper room, mom left to run errands, and I texted her and kept her up to date as my treatment went on...one drug down, two to go, etc.

The wave of nausea came a day later, and I was able to get through it more easily by taking a medicine that helped to ease the nausea(Phenergan) but at the same time made me very sleepy. Mom actually had to wake me up so that I would eat and drink, but I would gladly take sleepiness over nausea any day. My joints were not nearly as sore from the injection I got to help keep my white cell count up, and I was able to get back to work a day earlier than the last time. I even felt good enough by my 39th birthday the next weekend to go out to dinner with family, and the following weekend my friend Dawn took me to see a hilarious play called "The Foreigner." I had seen it once before years ago, and knew I had enjoyed it, and I still laughed out loud practically the whole time. What more could a girl ask for?

I do have to admit, I have been pretty exhausted lately. My red cell count and hemoglobin have been slowly creeping down, and the oncology nurse told me last week that she would like to give me an injection (Procrit) to help my red cell count come back up, but my insurance would not cover it until I dropped to a certain point. A few days ago, I finally "qualified" for the injection, so hopefully my energy level will start to improve within the next few weeks. Possibly some of the exhaustion is all in my head, cuz honestly just knowing I'm anemic makes me tired, ya know?

Something really cool happened recently. My cousin, Seth, who lives in Tennessee is going to school to become a pharmacist and was working in a pharmacy when a lady walked in to pick up some prescriptions. Long story short, they got to talking and Seth brought up the fact that his cousin (me) was going through breast cancer treatment. Well, it just so happens that the lady he was talking to, Karen Leigh Stroup, had stage IV breast cancer herself and co-authored a book about living with breast cancer called, "Speak the Language of Healing." She told him about the book and he planned on getting it but before he could, she brought a signed copy with a message for me inside to him at work, and they sent it to me in the mail! I have started reading it, and so far it has been really great at helping me understand that I do not need to go around blaming myself (something I've done, like eating large amounts of sugar, or haven't done, like exercise on a regular basis or meditate daily) for getting cancer. These are things I certainly am in the progress of changing, but to quote the book, "Vegetarians and yoga teachers die of breast cancer, as do meat eaters and tap water drinkers. Breast cancer finds confident women as readily as it does those who are meek. Tumors come to both the sunny and the depressed." So true!

I am still having fun with my hair, or lack of it. The other morning I walked straight out of the shower and into my mom's room where she was blow drying her hair and with a big smile on my face, I reminded her that I was all done with MY hair. She just laughed and said, "I know. And I still have to dry and style mine!" On the slightly embarrassing side though, last week I got almost the whole way to work and realized I had forgotten my WIG! I've been wearing hats until I pull up in the parking lot to save my head from the irritation of the wig as long as possible. So I had a comfortable, sporty hat that my niece, Jamie, had given me already on. I went to tell my boss, Anita, that I had forgotten my hair that day, and she smiled and said, "Well, I have never heard that excuse before! Don't worry. I think the hat you have on looks cute." See how blessed I am?

Speaking of blessings, God continues to bless me through friends, family, and neighbors with prayers, really kind words, hugs, perfectly-timed greeting cards, phone calls, text messages, emails, group pedicures, thoughtful gifts, walks through the neighborhood, and help with legal matters and lawn care! Frequently this year, especially when things get tough, I've been running back to old, faithful Psalm 23- quoting it out loud and in my head during tests and procedures, scary times and thankful times. It's not just for funerals anymore, as I used to think before I became a Christian and read Max Lucado's book, "Traveling Light." I love to quote it and make it personal by adding or adapting a few words (The Lord is your Shepherd, Lisa. What more could you ask for?!) I am certain God doesn't mind. My very favorite part is verse 6. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, seek me out, grab hold of me and tackle me all the days of my life (emphasis mine)..."

My prayer is that we all realize just how much Jesus is in hot pursuit of us, how much He does to get us to notice him on a daily basis, and that we are reminded that it is Him when he tackles us down and kisses us all over our faces! XO, XO, XO, XO!

2008-07-13T21:53:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow morning will be my second chemo treatment. I've been having blood work done every week and the blood counts (white cells, platelets, hemoglobin) that dropped about 10 days after my last treatment have come back up, and I am feeling ready to tackle the next challenge. Thank you, again for all of your prayers and healing hugs. They are working!

A lady came in to work last week and after standing out in the lobby for a while, told me I had beautiful hair! It was one of my wigs, of course, but it made me smile from ear to ear. I honestly thought the thing was screaming, "I am a WIG!" My friend, Christina, took me to buy a second wig, and everyone seems to think it is more me. It has even fooled a few people who know me. I think I've got a few people at work considering getting wigs cuz they are so easy. No more bad hair days! Maybe we could even have a "wear your wig to work" day!? Just a thought.

Oh, and very exciting, this past week I picked up two new friends I will be getting closely acquainted with, my new prosthetic breasts. My sister has me calling them, thing one and thing two. They are incredible, and it might sound silly, but they help to make me feel more whole again. As soon as I told my brother, he asked me if they were double Ds. I told him they were double, alright. Double As! The lady who fitted me warned me about sittng them around the house, especially with dogs around. She said other women have told her they can easily become very expensive dog toys! They even come with their own adorable zip-up suitcases! The first night I had them, I came into the living room and told my mom I had put my boobies to bed. "Yeah," she said, "and your hair is laying on the kitchen counter!" We cracked up!

Speaking of my beautiful mom, we just found out this past week that she has been diagnosed with early stage type II diabetes. She is supposed to go to a class to learn about what to do next and will start testing her blood sugar. From what we understand so far, they will have her try to control it with diet and exercise first. If this does not work, then oral medication will be next. We are certainly hoping that insulin never comes into the picture, but even so, my mom is a very strong, incredible lady. She is already arming herself with information from the doctor. We figure, we have already been eating more healthfully. We'll just adjust our diets to suit diabetes as well. Nonetheless, prayers are most appreciated and most helpful. Please also pray for my new found friend and partner in this fight against breast cancer, JoAnne, who lives in Florida. She is a few months ahead of me in her treatment and has given me insight like no one else. Her white cell count is dropping, and the doctors are not sure why. Please pray that she will not have to endure the bone marrow sample that they are considering doing. We prayed together the other night on the phone, and I know God had his arms wrapped around both of us.

This morning at church we got to lead the 3- to 5-year-olds in a lesson titled, "I will trust God in hard times." As I went over the lesson plan I kept thinking about how perfect the theme of this lesson was and how it happened to land on the Sunday we were teaching, knowing full well that God knew exactly where I would be and what we would be dealing with on this very day. Just reminds me of His presence in my life in an unexpected way. I love being with those kids. They don't hold back; they wear their hearts on their sleeves. They throw their arms around you and treat you just the same as they always do. Here are some gorgeous get-well cards from some young ones I know.

At that time Jesus, full of joy through the Holy Spirit, said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. Yes, Father, for this was your good pleasure.
Luke 10:20-22

A veterinarian I work with, Dr. Mitchell, had her 3-year-old boys draw some pictures for me just before I had my surgery and with no coaching from her, they drew a picture of a storm and a picture of a rainbow. I really believe God was speaking to me through those pictures, reminding me of His promises no matter what storm I am facing. Thank you, God, for child-like faith. Help me to run to you and throw my arms around you unashamed, no matter what the weather forcast.

2008-07-02T19:48:00.000-07:00

Last Monday, June 23rd, I had my first round of chemotherapy. They placed me in a private room, and my mom, sis, and my friend Dawn were able to stay with me throughout the whole process which took about 6 hours in all. I was hooked up to an iv line and given 3 chemotherapy drugs spread out over the day. Everything went very smoothly that day, and I felt just fine.

My friend, Dawn, brought a very real looking stuffed kitty, and we had fun seeing how many staff members we could fool with it. It brought a lot of people into the room and got all of the nurses talking about the pets they have at home. They have a pet therapy program at the Peninsula Cancer Institute, so they said occasionally they will have dogs coming and going. They also have a music therapist who will load up your ipod with any kind of music you can think of. He stopped by the room that morning and asked if I had any special requests. I thought it might have been kind of a stretch, but I asked him if he was familiar with the fun jazz music they play on the Weather Channel. I love that stuff! Even have a dance I like to do to it. He knew exactly what I meant, and he was back in less than 10 minutes with a bunch of uplifting jazz music! The rest of the time, we played cards, watched part of a movie, and had a scrabble game and tetris tournament going on at the same time. It truly kept my mind occupied.

About 3 a.m. the next day, I started feeling the effects of the chemotherapy. My face and top of my chest were red and swollen for about 3 days, and the first few days the nausea was pretty bad. I really didn't get my appetite back until about five days later, and the only foods that I could bear to eat those first few days were mac & cheese and mashed potatoes, because they were the only foods that tasted like they were supposed to. I had to go back to the doctor's office the next day to get an injection to keep my white cell count from dropping too low, and this made my bones ache for about 5 days, but it was a good sign cuz that meant the injection was doing what it was supposed to. The strangest side effect I had from the chemo was what I like to call "super-sonic hearing." Normally I have to turn the volume on the radio and the tv up to a volume that most people would consider loud, but after the chemo everything seemed so much louder. Sounds were vibrating in my head, and I kept asking my mom to turn the volume on the tv down further and further, and I could still hear every word they were saying! My mom said I was getting back to my old self by Saturday evening, because I started to ask her to turn the volume back up again. Bizarre. Today, just over a week after chemo, my appetite is back in full force, and I feel like eating everything in the house! The good news is that when I went to the doctor's office today, they told me I had not lost any weight since this whole thing started. Yipee!

I had to push my hair shaving appointment back a few days, but I finally went and had it done. Dawna gave me the clippers and let me shave a reverse mohawk down the middle of my head to start it off! Very fun! The night before I got my hair shaved, my family and I took a few cute pictures together while I still had hair. Then we had a hair cutting party, and I let everyone take turns cutting a chunk of my hair off. My brother insisted on being first, and he took the scissors right next to my scalp and gave me the shortest bangs in hair history! We laughed so hard! Then I let my niece experiment and cut my hair however she wanted, and she gave me a real cute, real short haircut. My brother shocked us all and had my nephew shave all of his hair off in honor of my hair loss! It was completely unexpected, but his head sure is gorgeous! How wonderful is he!?

I have lots of hats and a few wigs I got from Suzi Williamson, who they call the Hat Trader. She has a free service that allows women going through chemotherapy to borrow different hats and hair pieces for as long as you need to, then you return them when you can so they can benefit the next lady. What a neat idea! My sis has been wearing hats with me when we go out. Is my family incredible or what!?

I have been praying over the last few years that God would strengthen my relationships with family and friends, because I felt like I was powerless to stop the crazy busy part of my life that was keeping me from having deeper, more meaningful relationships. You know how the story goes, it was the tyranny of the urgent things in my life and everything else was placed on a back burner somewhere. I kept pleading with God to help me slow down and enjoy the people around me more. In fact, I begged him to do something because I told him that if He left it up to me that I would just do the same old thing I've always been doing and things would never change. He is, without a doubt, answering that prayer through this whole experience, and thankfully, I will never be the same. This past Sunday, our Pastor, Sam, talked about love being a choice we make, not something we fall into. After all, he said, "How many of you have fallen into your closet and come out dressed? You don't. You decide to get dressed and put on your clothes." So he urged us to "get dressed in love," to make the choice to love those around us each day instead of letting our feelings or emotions take us here and there. Many of you have been so graciously offering to help in any way possible, so I thought of something you could do for me if you really want to help. Here it is. PUT ON LOVE. Get dressed in it. Do something special for someone you know, or don't know, something unexpected, and then tell me about it sometime. You will put a smile on my face for days to come.

2008-06-19T08:43:00.000-07:00

So much has been happening this past week. I toured the President's Park in Williamsburg (All this time, I thought Ben Franklin was a President. Go ahead, you can laugh. I guess it's because he's on American currency along with other US Presidents! Ha!) I also got to see my cousin, Doug, and his family. He and his wife, Sherry, have adopted two children who are ADORABLE! After they left, mom and I ran to pick up some of my prescriptions, and I just lost it. I could not hold back the tears. I think the combination of them leaving and all the emotions I needed to get out finally spilled over, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was a little confused as to why I was crying at first, but it felt good to get it out. I think it was finally time.

This week I started working again at York Veterinary Hospital. It is so good to be around my work family again. We truly are a family there. That's what makes it such a great place be. I cannot begin to explain how supportive everyone is. Makes all of this so much easier to bear.

I have decided to keep my hair appointment I had scheduled for next week and go ahead and have Dawna shave my hair off then. I thought I'd beat the chemo to the punch, since it won't be long before my hair comes out on its own in clumps which, I think, would be much more disturbing. Dawna, who's been cutting my hair since 1992 by the way, has agreed to take a look at the wigs I've gotten and shape them up for me. Thank you, Dawna! You truly are WONDERFUL! I know it won't be easy, but it just makes me think of what a wise and caring friend told me years ago when she was losing her hair- "God cares about every little thing about you. Even the things you think might not matter, like the way you brush your teeth, and He most certainly cares about every piece of hair that falls from your head. He has them numbered, you know!"

Love to all of you who dare to read my jumbled thoughts!

Lisa (OOOOOOOO) more hugs.

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..." Psalm 139:13,14

2008-06-12T20:27:00.000-07:00

All of my doctor's appointments this week seem to have gone well; the surgeon told me to come back in six months and that I was free to shower and to drive if I felt comfortable. Hooray!

At the oncology office, we learned that I would start chemotherapy on Monday, June 23rd, that I would come in every week for blood counts and vitals, that they would schedule me appointments with the nurse in charge of my case, the dietician at their office, and the massage therapist who specializes in lymphedema treatment (something I am at risk for now that I have had a bunch of lymph nodes removed from under my right arm). Pffeew! Our heads were spinning a little.

I also had to schedule an appointment to see a dentist for an exam before starting chemo, since it is not uncommon for the treatment to cause problems with your mouth. I called a dentist my sis has gone to, since I have been neglecting my dental health and avoiding the dentist at all costs. I mean, surgeon, okay; oncologist, no problem; but dentist, aaaaaaahhhh! Now that's something to be nervous about! (Who's with me?) We got to the office and I saw this young guy discharging everyone when they were done being seen, and I thought, "C'mon, couldn't ya just give me some older, gentler guy? Not some young yahoo!" Shame on me for judging cuz I have to tell you, he had me laughing so hard while he was scaling my teeth, that I almost forgot I was in a dentist's office or that I had cancer for that matter! Who knew?

I had some visitors yesterday from my friends and co-workers, Dr. Brooke Piercy and Dawn. Brooke snuck me one of my favorites, a Bojangles sweet potatoe pie, and also brought this truly fantastic book of adorable dog pictures with quotes to live by, which she had other co-workers and clients I knew from the veterinary hospital write thoughtful notes on various pages throughout! I will SO treasure it!! Then Dawn, being the fabulous friend that she is, gave me a nudge and helped me get all of the wonderful cards I have been receiving up on a wall in my room to give me the lift I need at just the right time. Most beautiful wall I have ever seen! Please believe me when I tell you that God is using all of you incredible people to run right up behind me and CATCH ME just as I feel exhausted and want to fall to the floor! Right now you are literally HIS hands and HIS voice to me!

"You, OH LORD, keep my lamp burning; my God turns my darkness into light."
Psalm 18:28

2008-06-09T15:44:00.000-07:00

Today is MOM appreciation day! Hats off to my momma who deserves a gold medal for taking such great care of me since this whole thing began. She has been wearing herself out reading informative books, cooking, cleaning, and driving me places the past few weeks. My sister and I kidnapped her this morning before she had a chance to get ready. When she found out she would have to get out of the car, she wasn't very pleased. "Look at my hair," she said! I told her not to worry cuz where we were taking her would cause her hair to look worse when she came out than when she went in!(a swedish massage)...and then I laughed hysterically (may have worried her just a bit). At the same time, my sis treated me to a manicure/pedicure which I have only had once before, so that was truly special. I went a little crazy and let them put "Jammin' Jelly" polish on my toes! Thank you, God for blazing pink nail polish, and thank you Myra and Stac for setting that up for me!

Okay, let's see...Friday at the oncologist's office we learned that the cancer had spread to at least 3 of my lymph nodes, and therefore they would be treating me every 3 weeks for 6 total treatments with a chemotherapy protocol called TAC (Taxotere, Adriamycin, and Cytoxan) and that possibly at the end of the chemotherapy, they may do some radiation, but that is undecided for now. Tomorrow, I will get my chemo "calendar" with the days of my treatments and get an hour-long patient education session. They will send me on Thursday this week for an ultrasound of my heart to be sure it is in shape to handle specifically one of the chemotherapy drugs.

I also see the surgeon tomorrow morning for my recheck after the surgery and he will HOPEFULLY give me the okay to take a shower!!! A wash cloth can only do so much, ya know?! He did tell me that I could try wrapping saran wrap around the upper part of my body and taking a shower that way if I got desperate, but I just kept trying to picture in my mind how I was going to make that work cuz my shoulders and tops of my arms would have to be wrapped too, and I quickly gave up. (You figure it out!) Oh, by the way, if you were thinking about calling or stopping by tomorrow, I would love to see ya, but guess where I'll be- IN THE SHOWER! ;)

2008-06-05T22:11:00.000-07:00

Today I had a surprise visitor, my friend and my wonderful boss, Anita! She has been SO supportive as this has not been a year of great health for me, and it meant so much that she would stop by as she is still grieving the passing of her dad recently. Hey all you prayer warriors, please say a prayer for this incredible lady and her family for comfort and for peace during this difficult time.

Today was also a big day, as I had to say goodbye to a very close friend (a little too close I might add), MY LAST DRAIN! We all gathered at the door and screamed at the nurse one last time. Thanks so much Stac for all of your creative distractions! The nurse officially released me as a postsurgical patient. Now that's a step in the right direction.

My results have come in from surgery and my genetic testing as well. Tomorrow when I meet with my oncologist, he will help us to make sense of it all.

I read somewhere today, "An individual doesn't get cancer, a family does." Even if you've never said a prayer before, would you say one for my family? I'm convinced that most of the time this journey is tougher on them than it is on me.

2008-06-04T05:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Dawn and I took a walk early in the morning in Colonial Williamsburg which was a perfect way to start the day! We met a few new animal friends including some sheep and a curious cat named "Shilling" who tried to follow us down the road.

I called again about my results from surgery, but they were still not back. I am mostly concerned about the results getting to my oncologist by Friday as he will need them to make a plan for chemotherapy. Just one more thing I am finding I have no control over. :)

I am still holding on to one of my buddies, the drain, and it looks like it may be a few more days before that one comes out. I was told by the nurse a few days ago to pull off some of the tape she had used to bandage the places she had already removed the other drains from. When she called yesterday to see how I was doing, she asked if we had taken the tape off yet. We told her some of it, but we stopped because it was really starting to pull on my skin. She threatened to come over here yesterday just to rip off the tape if I couldn't get it. I knew she wasn't kidding, so I reached down and pulled that tape right off! Thank you nurse Cindy for your motivation!

This morning I took a good look at my incisions for the first time...and I cried. Then I got myself together, got some breakfast, and then I cried a little more. Not because I thought they looked horrific (possibly some might describe them that way), but I think possibly part of me felt some relief in realizing that I truly am NOT in control, and that felt good. More and more I am understanding that through this whole process I am simply having to trust God more and depend on the things that I can do (make phone calls, read about breast cancer, change my diet, exercise) less! These are all great things, but I find I can exhale when I understand Who is truly in control and rest in knowing that He knows best how to take care of me and desires so much to do that. Jesus, help me get out of the way and let you do your thing!

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths."
Proverbs 3:5-6

OOOOOOOOO (those are hugs)

Lisa

2008-06-01T19:27:00.000-07:00

Today I got to see my church family and got many healing hugs. It felt so good to go home to God's house. I think the praise team sounded more beautiful than ever (if that's even possible), and Sam, our pastor, was in rare form today! He had everyone laughing about his analogy of the "rasler" Dusty Rose and his famous sleeper hold. He reminded us of how money can put a sleeper hold on just about anyone, rich or poor, if we are not careful. So true!

This weekend I got to talk to a lady, Joanne, who lives in Florida and is a few months ahead of me in this process, and she was a tremendous help. She was very honest in letting me know what to expect in the days to come. One of the things she told me was that any day now my incisions from surgery would "come alive." Right now they are completely numb, which I did not even realize until she told me! She said that about 10-14 days after surgery the damaged tissue would start to wake up and become hypersensitive. Good to know or I might have thought something was wrong. She also told me about "phantom pains" that may happen in other parts of your body which I think I may be experiencing. Thank you, Joanne, for your insight!

Some friends of ours, Ron and Robin, came on Saturday and mowed the lawn for us. I was so excited about this, cuz of all the things I cannot do right now, the lawn was driving me the most crazy! You know it was bad cuz our smallest dog would go to the back of the yard and we would lose sight of him in the weeds! Afterward, Ron and Robin prayed for me, and the most incredible peace came over me as I was able to take deep breaths more easily since the surgery. God is SO good!

Results will be coming back soon. I will keep you posted, but honestly they are just a formality as I am convinced I can survive any diagnosis they throw at me. I have been covered in prayer and have felt more loved recently than I ever have in my life. I keep telling my friends, if ever for one moment as a single gal I have felt lonely or felt I was missing out on love because of it, this situation has taught me otherwise.

"'...I have loved you with an everlasting love'..." Jeremiah 31:3

Lisa

2008-05-29T20:06:00.000-07:00

Today I started a wall of prayer and encouragement consisting of the beautiful cards and well-wishes I have received over the past month. I will read them time and time again through this trial as they build me up each and every time I look at them.

I did manage to get out of the house and go grocery shopping with my mom today which really tickled me. You should have seen some of the looks I was getting from people, as I am sure they thought I must be stuffing groceries in my sweatshirt with those silly drain containers poking out. I'd just smile back at them thinking, "you have no idea!"

And yes, I did SCREAM very loudy as I answered the door today when the Home Health nurse showed up! And then we both laughed hysterically! I was glad to see the same sweet nurse as the day before as I was planning on offering her some cookies yesterday, but we were quick to kick her out of the house, because I was so embarrased after hollering so loudly at the drain removal. Today wasn't nearly as bad. I grabbed some pillows to scream into, held my sister's hand as she tried to distract my thoughts with a list of things men should never wear (think I heard something like speedos and black socks with flip flops or something). It was over before I could hyperventilate! Two down, two to go!

Should be getting some results from the tissues sent off from surgery in the next few days. I will keep you posted and leave you with this prayer that stirs my heart every time I read it.

Rest in Him,

Lisa

"I ask you neither for health nor sickness, for life nor for death; but that you may dispose of my health and my sickness, my life and my death, for your glory...You alone know what is expedient for me; you are sovereign master; do with me according to your will. Give to me, or take away from me, only conform my will to yours. I know but one thing, Lord, that it is good to follow you, and bad to offend you. Apart from that, I know not what is good or bad in anything. I know not which is most profitable to me, health or sickness, wealth or poverty, nor anything else in the world. That discernment is beyond the power of men or angels, and is hidden amongh the secrets of your Providence, which I adore, but do not seek to fathom."

-a prayer by Blaise Pascal

2008-05-23T00:08:00.000-07:00

Hi, it's me, Lisa (first-time blogger). About one month ago, at the age of 38, I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Since then, I have been deeply moved and energized by the support of my family, friends, people I've recently met, and some I don't even know. This blog was created in an attempt to keep all of you wonderful people updated on my journey. My prayer is that as each of you read, you'll find yourself closer to the faithful, loving God who carries me in His arms and next to His beating heart each and every step of the way.

Just over two months ago, I reached my hand up to adjust my bra and felt a pea-sized lump in the skin under my right arm. Immediately, I wondered if it could be a lump in my breast but dismissed the thought when I realized I could pull it away from my body by pulling on my skin. I kept feeling it over the next few days and finally reasoned that since my yearly exam was overdue, I would schedule an appointment and mention the lump then. A week later, my primary care doctor felt the lump and assured me that it was probably a cyst and nothing to worry about, but she went ahead and scheduled me for a mammogram just to be sure (she's pretty incredible that way). I was told the mammogram would take about an hour, so I planned on having it done first thing in the morning and then heading straight to work.

The morning of my mammogram I started realizing something was wrong when, after taking several pictures, they told me I would need to go to ultrasound. After calling in the radiologist to look at some images, they told me they'd be sending me back to mammography to get even more views. After almost three hours of tests, I was taken to a small room at the end of a hall where the radiologist explained to me that he was very concerned about two places they found in my right breast and microcalcifications in my left. He told me that I would need to have biopsies done, and that he was so certain that they would be cancerous that if the results came back negative, he would still plan on sending me to surgery to have them removed and tissues sent off again. Funny, all I could think of was, "I have got to get to work. I told them this would only take an hour!"

One week later, I had multiple biopsies taken from each breast, and five days later we had results. I remember talking to my mom on the way to the Woman's Imaging Center and saying, "Okay, now we know that the results are going to come back as cancer. So, we are prepared for that. Let's just stay positive. This is just something that I've got to go through for a little while and it'll be behind us in no time." I certainly, however, was not prepared for what they had to say. The doctor and nurse that day told me that according to the biopsies my cancer was atleast a stage III out of IV and that only after surgery would we know whether it had spread to my lymph nodes. If it had, it would take additional tests to tell whether it had spread to my liver, brain, lungs, etc. I would need to see a surgeon right away about having my right breast removed and decide whether or not I wanted to try and save my left breast. This is the first moment it hit me, "Am I going to die from this?" The nurse, Wendy, offered to call the surgeon for me that minute and as she left the room, all I could think about was how we needed to get home because it was past time for us to feed the dogs!

In the coming weeks I saw the surgeon, Dr. Times, and the oncologist, Dr. Ellis, who far, far, FAR exceeded my expectations (can you say "way beyond highly recommended"?). I was also connected with a phenomenal lady, Mary Beth, who founded a support group especially for women under the age of 40 diagnosed with breast cancer, Beyond Boobs! My sister, my niece and I headed to Relay for Life at Jamestown High in Williamsburg to meet the rest of the "Beyond Boobs" support group and to meet a terrific friend of mine, Lise, and her son Evan. My sis and niece got a candle for me and one to remember my dad by who died from liver cancer 19 years ago. When we found my friend Lise, she told me that she and her husband Louis got a candle for me, and that she wanted to show me. They were right beside the ones my sis and niece had gotten. About that time, everyone started lighting the candles, so Lise borrowed some matches from a nice man nearby and just as she was lighting my dad's candle, the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" started playing. I looked over at my sis and we almost couldn't believe it. My sis taped that song and gave it to my dad to listen to during his last days in the hospital, and we played it at his funeral! "If that wasn't a sign, I don't know what is," Stacey said! Ya see, about 12 years ago when our family decided to follow Jesus we would ask our pastor how we could be sure that our dad was in heaven. We went to church when we were younger, but we had not gone in later years. How did we know where our dad's heart was? How could I live in a heaven without my daddy? I honestly feel like that night at Relay for Life I got my answer. Hallelujah!

This past weekend I had a double mastectomy. I also had a port placed under my skin to make chemo and blood drawing easier. I had four drains placed which are connected to tubing that lead to clear plastic containers that look like hand grenades (no kidding!). These containers sit in pouches that hang off of a special bra I have on. I call it my "Armor of God." I am truly ready for battle!

During my hospital stay, I had compassionate nurses caring for me, my family who stayed with me around the clock, friends drop by, prayers galore (thank you Friday night teens!), and my friend Dawn serenaded me with her harp on Sunday morning after we read a Psalm! Who says you can't have a church service in your hospital room?! The bag Dawn used to bring her harp in honestly looked like she could have been carrying a body in there, so she got some strange looks on her way up to my room! My surgeon could hear her playing in the hallway, and when he came in he said, "Oh! I was thinking, what kind of wonderful stereo system do they have in that room"!?

I have been home from the hospital for four days now and have already taken walks around the neighborhood. Exercise is an enemy of cancer, you know. Come join me for a walk anytime, would ya? I have drastically changed my diet and am now a recovering sugarholic! Some great sites you can go to for nutritional info are www.caring4cancer.com and www.cancernutritioninfo.com or for cancer-friendly recipes go to www.cancerrd.com.

One of the Home Health Care nurses came today to remove a drain and one of my "hand grenades", and I've got to tell ya, it surely felt like an exploding hand grenade coming out!! Can you say, "most painful moment to date"! She's coming back tomorrow to remove another one and I've decided that tomorrow when she shows up, I'm going to open up the front door and scream at the top of my lungs! Just for fun. I'll let you know how that goes.

The house is full of fresh flowers and cards with words of encouragement, and today I received cards with money, which I will gratefully use for my upcoming medical bills, and an iPod loaded with some of my favorite music, movies, a calendar, maps, the WORKS, signed by my church family, co-workers, and friends!!! I am blown away and moved to tears by the generosity of all of you incredible people God has carefully and thoughtfully placed in my life. I know I will never be able to thank you all enough! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU! God has given me a glimpse today of what He means when He says in Ephesians chapter 3 that He can do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine!

I think this brings everyone up to speed. I will update this blog frequently so you won't have to read a book each time you check the site now. I apologize for the wordiness but am happy to share with anyone who has questions or wants to talk.

Abundant blessings!

Lisa