What a year 2009 has been! Let's see...I and my friend, Dawn, got to celebrate life in April when she took me on a trip to St. John, Virgin Islands, which I will smile about for years to come. One of my favorite memories was on a hike we took on Ram Head Trail which lead to a point that was 200 feet above sea level. The hike was not easy as it was the middle of the day and very warm. About half way to the point we came out of the trail on to a rocky beach and as we walked down the beach, we began to wonder if we had lost our way. So Dawn starts looking up to the heavens and half jokingly asking God to give us a sign. We started cracking up when soon after that we looked down at the rocks to find the word "HIKE" spelled out with an arrow pointing in the direction we should go!

Okay, what else. I had a total hysterectomy in June to help lower my chances of breast cancer coming back. In July, I had the priviledge of turning 40 years young. Around this time, a dear friend of mine, Brandi, was diagnosed with breast cancer. She has since then had a two surgeries and will begin chemotherapy this week, but she continues to do remarkably well because of her faith in God and His goodness. I got to go to a family reunion in Pennsylvania in August. I also found out that both my nieces will be expecting babies early next year. And that's only the stuff I can remember! :)

As for my treatment, I will continue to get the study drug, Zometa, intravenously every 3 months for another 2 years and for the past several months I've been getting massage therapy on the scar on the right side of my chest in order to get ready for breast reconstruction which is now scheduled for Tuesday, October 13th. I most certainly have not come to the decision to go ahead with reconstruction lightly. I've been struggling a great deal with the decision, that is until recently. You see, Monday afternoon I was on my way to the hospital to get my preoperative testing done and I just started praying out loud in the car on the way there. I asked God what I had been asking Him for weeks, "Please. I am begging you. Help me to make a decision one way or the other on reconstruction. I know it is only a week away, but You can stop it if it is not what You want for me. This is weighing SO heavily on me and I wish I could be strong enough to be okay with not having it done, but you also made me fully human and put that desire in my heart. I know you have great plans for me. So, please. I want what You want for me, but I don't know what that is, and even after all You and I have been through, I don't feel like I am close enough to You to KNOW for certain what it is You want for me. I know that that is my fault completely, but I also know the kind of God You are and BY YOUR GRACE You can give me a sign and knock me over the head with it so that I can be certain if you want me to go ahead with this or not. You are more than capable of making one of these tests I am about to have abnormal and stopping this surgery if that is Your will. So I am asking you to do that God. Stop the surgery if you don't want me to go thru with this but if you do, just help me to know for certain that You are behind me on this and that my motives are right. In Jesus name."

So, I got to the hospital just as they were finishing up preoperative testing for the day, and they decided they could fit me in. After going over my medical history, I was asked to wait for Sheila who would be doing my blood work and EKG. Sheila came down the hall with a smile on her face and we got started. As she was placing the EKG leads on my chest, she noticed my scars and asked if I had had a bilateral mastectomy. "Yes," I said. "I was diagnosed in April 2008...and now I am getting ready to have reconstruction". "Praise God! Praise God!," she said. Tears came to my eyes as she started encouraging me, and I told her about my struggle in deciding whether or not to have it done, but I did not tell her why I was struggling. For all she knew, maybe I was having difficulty deciding cuz I just didn't want to go through another surgery or was scared about the procedure or scared of the cancer coming back. Then she looked at me, and I felt like God was speaking through her directly to me, and she said "This is not a vain thing! This is not a vain thing!" I smiled because I knew that was my answer. I told her that I had been praying about it and asking God to stop the surgery somehow if He did not want this for me, as I knew He was fully capable of doing so. She then told me that she often prays for God to use her at work to encourage people and I assured her that He most certainly used her that day! She then grabbed a sticker with my name on it like the ones used to label blood work and told me she would keep that sticker to remind her to pray for me on my surgery day. Then she hugged me tight and said, "You are my sister in Christ." My heart is at peace now because I know if He does not stop the surgery, that He is with me on this.

The past six weeks I have been priviledged to study the book of Daniel with some wonderful ladies (one of them being my mom). Not coincidentally, the study was recommended to me by my sweet friend, Brandi (the one who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer). This past week it talked about Daniel being thrown into the lions' den and a stone (more like a boulder, I think) being placed over the mouth of the den and the king sealing it with his signet ring "so that Daniel's situation might not be changed." This part of the lesson really stuck with me cuz sometimes I convince myself that certain situations in my life are locked and sealed and might not be changed, especially now. But if you know the rest of the story, you know there's hope cuz God sent his angel to shut the mouths of the lions. Daniel did not have a scratch on him when he was lifted out of the den! King Darius was so impressed with the God that Daniel trusted in that he issued a decree in his kingdom stating that the people must fear and reverence the God of Daniel. "For He is the living God and he endures forever; His kingdom will not be destroyed, His domion will never end. He rescues and He saves; He performs signs and wonders in the heavens and on the earth. He has rescued Daniel from the power of the lions." (Daniel 6:26-27)

Therein lies my hope. I am confident that there is no situation that my God cannot change. He still gives us signs, whether literally like the one in St. John or through a willing servant of his like nurse Sheila. And YES He can and will rescue you from whatever "lion" you might be facing. All you need to do is ask Him to...then believe that He can.